I Cant Weight (one Mans Diet)
|
From the book Spider's Big Catch
Like many people, I've decided I need to take off a little weight from the holidays-the holidays of six years ago. But I've never dieted before, so being a conscientious kinda guy, I logged into my favorite web browser for some advice.
I found 3,978,158,342 sites offering help with losing a few pounds. (In fact, I was so overwhelmed, I had to grab a sandwich before even tackling the search.) As a public service, I'll try to encapsulate what I learned, although I may have gotten a little confused by some of the terminology.
Most of the sites spent considerable time talking about calories, so maybe we should start there. As far as I could make out, a calorie is defined as the amount of heat it takes to raise a gram of water from 58 degrees to 60 degrees Fahrenheit.
Immediately, that fact brought several questions to mind. First, who decided that? Why 58 to 60? That's not even hot enough to take a bath in! Next, if one calorie raises the temperature of water 2 degrees, and the human body is 90% water, why don't millions of Americans boil over during the holidays, after consuming billions of calories at one sitting?
That definition implies that a person should be able to eat a million calories a day, as long as he spaced them out, to avoid boiling over. You could eat, let your body cool back down, then eat a bunch more, and never gain any weight ? it made sense to me.
That concept must be common knowledge to the world at large, which would explain why you so rarely see people boil over in public. But since I'm new to this dieting business, it came as exciting news for me.
It's amazing how one fact like learning how calories are measured can make so many other things fall into place. Based on that knowledge, one could offer an explanation for one of the strangest mysteries affecting human beings -- spontaneous combustion. I'm willing to wager that if investigators carefully checked the area next to the easy chair where the victim had burst into flames, they'd find a half-eaten chocolate éclair or cream-filled doughnut. That last rush of calories was probably just what it took to send that poor person's body over the edge. The result? A pile of ash, and a half-eaten bear claw.
Based on my research, here's my recommendation: I call it my "Don't Boil Over" diet. You can eat all you want, as long as it doesn't contain enough calories to push your temperature above 212 degrees Fahrenheit. And be careful not to drink too much hot stuff while you're eating, since you never know when you might be going too far.
And one last caution: by all means, if you smell smoke, back off!
There you have it. Feel free to pass it on to your friends, especially those who've looked like they might be smoldering from time to time. Who knows? You just might be saving them the embarrassment of bursting into flames at the next church potluck.
© Gary E. Anderson. All rights reserved.
About The Author
Gary Anderson is a freelance writer, editor, ghostwriter, and manuscript analyst, living on a small Iowa farm. He's published more than 500 articles and four books. He's also ghosted a dozen books, edited more than 30 full-length manuscripts, produced seven newsletters, and has done more than 800 manuscript reviews for various publishers around the nation. If you need writing or editing help, visit Gary's website at www.abciowa.com.
|
|
|
Weight Loss Programs: Which Weight Loss Program Will Really Work?
Weight loss programs often have big claims. Understand the "science" behind weight loss, and you'll zero in on the achievable ones.The key is to try not to simply accept or reject the the "claim" but to see which kind of program is scientifically more viable -- and therefore capable of living up to its claim. To understand weight gain and weight loss thus, we need to understand that the body actually has a three-sided energy equation ...... there is ENERGY INPUT (what we eat), ENERGY OUTPUT (what we use in activity) and ENERGY STORED (fat layer in the body is solidified stored energy).The first error most people make is to consider only energy input and output in their theories of weight loss programs... so they simply try to either eat less or exercise mo...(related: Weight Loss)
Wls Patients Take Too Long To Order Food: What?s That About?
Families who dine out with their loved ones who've had gastric bypass surgery often complain the patient takes an unusually long time to order food. Rose, whose mother had gastric bypass about eight months ago asked, &...(related: Weight Loss)
Weight Loss Maintenance Tip - Staying Aware
Stop Weight From Creeping Up By Staying AwareEveryone has small weight gains and losses but if those gains aren't noticed, and if the trend toward weight gain continues, then those extra pounds can become permanent. You'll know it because your clothes start to be too tight. If they get tight a...(related: Weight Loss)
Weight Loss Support Groups: Lose Weight & Keep It Off With Your Friends At The Phentermine Forum
We all know it's hard to begin losing weight, no matter what method you're using. Even diet pills present a challenge through uncomfortable side effects that occasionally bother us. One of the biggest problems with making a project of losing weight is finding the energy and will power to keep going no matter what.What Can I Use To Succeed With Weight Loss?The reason most people fail to make a solid effort is that even though their close friends or family may be there for support, it is usually less effective. You need to discuss your eating and exercise habits with other people who are in the same boat. Words of encouragement mean much more coming from someone who's facing the same challenges that you are.That's where support groups...(related: Weight Loss)
Calorie Burn? Know The Optimum Walking Speed For Greatest Results
Calorie burn can be really enhanced if you follow a very simple but effective way to judge if your walking speed is optimum, yet safe.Your best walking speed can be recognized by certain sure "symptoms of exertion" during your walk ?- namely, from your breathing pattern and your ability to talk through the exercise.If we have, say, a five point scale of least exertion to most exertion, we could measure how briskly we are walking based on how short of breath we are, and how difficult it is to talk.Your five ...(related: Weight Loss)
Do You Want To Lose Weight Without Going Crazy?
Here's what to do if you want to wear that slinky black dress, and stay sane:1. Make sure that you're not being neurotic and overly body conscious.Meditate. Try to catch yourself naked unawares in a full length mirror. Find out your ideal height-weight ratio. Get some amateur photos taken of yourself in casual clothes. Try to be detached and objective.Overweight is sometimes a state of mind instead of body. What trauma or childhood inadequacy causes you to see yourself as fat and undesirable, when medically you're normal, or just a little full figured?If you are definitely a fatty:2. Meditate. Try to...(related: Weight Loss)
Overweight? - 5 Tips To Enhance Your Sex Drive
You could try one of the many sexual enhancement drugs available today. You could sign up for very expensive workshops and retreats. You could even strip down and pole dance for y...(related: Weight Loss)
The Papaya Diet: A Guaranteed Loser
Search Yahoo for "papaya" and "kirstie" and you'll find at least a hundred sites that claim papaya is single-handedly responsible for melting literally...(related: Weight Loss)
The Missing Ingredient In Your Diet That Is Keeping You Fat And Tired
Whenever I hear someone say they just can't lose weight, the first question I ask is if they are eating their fruits and vegetables. Only one person has ever said yes. The rest have given me a litany of excuses about why they don't ? with the leading reason being, "I don't like vegetables".There are a lot of reasons why you want to eat right.You'll Look BetterYour skin is an outer reflec...(related: Weight Loss)
3 Day Diet -- Make Believe Diet Plans
The 3 day diet mixes certain types of foods that supposedly react in a specific way to increase your metabolic rate. Apparently, you'll burn fat at a higher rate than usual, but be careful and don't abuse the power of the diet's reaction.This reaction is so powerful that the 3 day diet can only last 3 days, beyond which the author can't be held responsible for what might happen to you. The power of this reaction must be respected and should be followed by taking four to five days off.When on the diet, you must follow the proportions exactly as stated by the author. If you don't follow the exact proportions, you will spontaneously combust a...(related: Weight Loss)
How To Exercise And Lose Weight On A Busy Schedule
In my fitness consulting business, I get the opportunityto talk with people from all walks of life about their health,fitness, and weight loss goals. Whether their goal is tolose weight, gain muscle, stick to a diet plan or program, improve theircardiovascular health, or simply to maintain their current fitnesslevel they all have one common enemy---TIME.For most of us, the #1 challenge in the quest to stay in shapeand/or lose weight is not exercising itself but being able to ...(related: Weight Loss)
site-map - Copyright © 2007 | Contact Webmaster - shukra1111 [AT] yahoo.com | All Rights Reserved | Weight Loss